Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Reason Why 51% of American Women Remain Unmarried

Keith, that's why. He personally is responsible for 51% of women remaining unmarried. Yes, it's hard to believe I know but I'm just convinced of this and I will not allow anyone to disabuse me of my certainties.

A person of some semblance of self-examination would have learned, after the Dishwasher Incident, that it does nothing good for one's ego to ignore me or be inconsiderate of me and not fix stuff because I am That Bitch(tm)--the one who will tell you and the whole world just what she thinks of your assholery.

Today's installment: He drove my car yesterday. He didn't shut the door properly and so the interior light was on all night. The Girl noticed it and told him. So, does he perhaps go and check to see if the car will start, seeing as how the jumper cables are in his car? No. He just shuts the door and goes on to work with the jumper cables and the car battery that actually starts a car. Guess what? Yeah. Today's Hero=My dad who came over at 8 am and jumped off my car so I could go to work.

After getting gas because, of course, Keith left it on E.

You know, I might not even be all that pissed if, in the last 2 months, he had:

  1. 1.chosen not to leave me with no gas in the car every time I turn key after him.
  2. 2. fixed the brakes on the Kia before they actually hit the floor since they'd been grinding for the previous 4 months.
  3. 3. put the missing piece on my car when I started complaining that the car was idling rough and tended to stall at red lights 4 months ago. I did not know a piece had been removed that caused this problem but he did.
  4. 4. tightened the power steering belt in my car when he put said piece on, as it is squealing and I tend to lose the power steering at odd times, like in the middle of turning and other inconsequential things like that.
  5. 5.Fixed the headlight that refuses to pop up now.
  6. 6.fixed the laundry room door that has been off it's hinge for a year.
  7. 7. run the water line for the icemaker I've been waiting for him to do for two years.
  8. 8. fixed the bathroom and kitchen floors that have been needing replacement tiles for about 6 months.
  9. 9. fixed our bedroom drawer that broke 8 months ago.
  10. 10. put knobs on our freaking shower and replaced the sheeting in the tub.
  11. 11. put up The Girl's shelves that she's waited on him to do for two years.
  12. 12. fixed The Boy's busted dresser drawer before it was totally beyond repair and had to be thrown out
  13. 13. taken the old lawnmower somewhere that is not my backyard.
  14. 14. raked the leaves this fall.
  15. 15. turned over the compost heap, even once.
  16. 16. and on and on and on, for 17 yrs.
All I can say is, "Ladies, he's all mine." Aren't you glad?


Gine said...

Your "honey-do" list looks like my sister's. Y'all should talk.

Phydeaux said...

umm, wow.

/makes note to never piss Christina off... ever/

pidomon said...

I thought 51% off all women were not married because they were waiting for me?