Island of Misphit Blogs

Keith, that's why. He personally is responsible for 51% of women remaining unmarried. Yes, it's hard to believe I know but I'm just convinced of this and I will not allow anyone to disabuse me of my certainties. A person of some semblance of self-examination would have learned, after the D ishwasher Incident , that it does nothing good for one's ego to ignore me or be inconsiderate of me and not fix stuff because I am That Bitch (tm) --the one who will tell you and the whole world just what she thinks of your assholery. Today's installment: He drove my car yesterday. He didn't shut the door properly and so the interior light was on all night. The Girl noticed it and told him. So, does he perhaps go and check to see if the car will start, seeing as how the jumper cables are in his car? No. He just shuts the door and goes on to work with the jumper cables and the car battery that actually starts a car. Guess what? Yeah. Today's Hero=My dad who c...

Am I watching this idiot of a president tonight? Oh that's right I couldn't find the ballpeen hammer to beat myself in the ehad with instead

The question, which I felt challenged to ask , was simple: Jen is a) appreciated, b) attractive or c) smart. And the results are in! Not unexpectedly, all three answers came in tied. Some, possibly all, respondents had a difficult time choosing only one of the three. This was not surprising. Tune in next time, as the question will be just as silly (not that Jen's attributes are silly, but that's how... oh, never mind) That is all.

I dropped The Girl off at her friend's house. She called later and of course, her number is programmed into my phone so it comes up with her name. Keith picked up my phone, answered and said, "The number you have reached has been disconnected. If you feel you've reached this message in error, please check the number and dial again." Then, he hung up. The Girl called a few minutes later and said, "W.T.F, Mom?" I said, "Your dad is a jerk. You know this, child." One day, I should tell you all about our attempt to teach her to wear PJs by setting off the fire alarm. (Didn't work. She was on to us.)

This maybe a long story short or a short story long. Not sure. I'm living in Ft. Worth Texas and it's a Wednesday night so what else is there to do? Of course go to the University Pub and shoot some pool and shoot some bullshit. There is a table of women drinking up front that I notice but hey there is a pool game going on that I need to win. After a couple of games a young woman comes back to use the pay phone (yeah a pay phone a machine you put money in and could communicate with someone else). The person she was calling (I later found out some guy who hit on her) was not home. As she hangs up the phone and walks past the pool table I blurt out "Hey you could talk to me for free" As she had been drinking for awhile she thought this was a cute line and we struck up a conversation. Three days later (because I could never remember the rules as how many days should pass before you call) I call and say "How about dinner?" Our first date was October 22nd. 2 d...

Happy Australia Day Everyone The shrimp is on the barbie and the Fosters is cold

Joe at After-School told The Boy that if you turn off the bathroom light and say "It" three times in the mirror, It will come out and get you. Here at the Smith-Farmer house, we don't cotton to superstition (Keith's love of Supernatural and Ghost Hunters notwithstanding) so Keith took The Boy into the bathroom, shut the door and said, "It, it, it. See, boy? Nothing got us." Which is when The Girl, being a child of mine, came by and banged the heck out of the bathroom door. Keith screamed. The Boy lit out of there like his pants were on fire. And me? I laughed my ass off. Bad mom. Bad, bad, bad mom. Worry not! I shall pay for my twisted sense of humor since now The Boy is afraid of the bathroom and I have to stand outside the door while he uses it. I really hope he's over it by the time he hits puberty.

Eight people is "a lot" to have in a two-bedroom, one-bathroom house. Good thing we're all nice.

Skating party!! My front lawn, about 3 tomorrow. 6am 35°F Feels Like 30°F 9am 35°F Feels Like 30°F 12pm 33°F Feels Like 26°F...

I'm really liking the Dan Abrams show on MSNBC after Olbermann. That is all

Talking to much Animal House this weekend So here are some short clips. Bonus points if you can name the singer whose guitar Belushi smashes

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. Actually, it's Christina and I'm a big ol' goof. And since it's now 2 am, I'm goofier than usual. The Misphits have seen fit to invite me to contribute here in order to establish the female quorum. Forgive them, for they know not what they do. Let us pray Flying Spaghetti Monster Please extend your noodley appendage to this woman so she may use her power for good (for a change). May she please stop using random quotes. If she will not stop, please send your filthy English Ka-niggits. That is all. RAmen. Stop! Stop! This is silly. I apologize for that last bit. Move along, nothing to see here. (Thanks all for inviting me. You RAWK!)

Well Jen, you are now the darling of the community, as your package arrived today, right before dinner. In this pictures, Charles (our gourmet chef), signals his approval. As soon as we open the coffee, I'll send a picture of everyone enjoying it. Thank you, you generous, sweet, misphit, you. *she said, with her mouth full of chocolate.

You know what doesn't suck? Casting about the kitchen trying to figure out what *else* you can coat in chocolate.

I've worked really hard over the last 10-12 years to leave the obnoxious Pido of my early days in the past. No details but I could be one SOB in the 80's and early 90's. I'm not sure what triggered the time warp tonight. Probably a few beers and a few shots. Started out the evening with BFF JW (we've known each other since 1981) and had a beer or two. That conversation is a post for a different night (but needless to say I had more dimes in the shot glass at the end of the pool table than he did) So I leave the Stone of Blue and go to the House of Trees and to check on CB who had some (ahem) over 50 tests done yesterday. I wanted to see how things went (as soon I too will have a camera shoved up my ass) and just to say Hi. Well I walk in and CB and EB are playing darts. Thats fine. Then I played darts. Which is also fine except I turned into this raging asshole. Yeah I won the games and these guys are my phriends but it was like stepping outside of myself going ...

Don't make us come over there and smack you, silly monkey! Or, as you humans would have us say.... We can haz maskot dooty 2!

Thanks for inviting me, you misphits, you. I make no promises about my blog-itude. I may be cross-posting, or infrequent, but I'm honored to be amongst you. Guess I'll have to tell pido my real name, too. Mwahahahahahaha!!!!!

From Dutch the Lucky Monkey!