Island of Misphit Blogs

Damn me and my short attention span! :) The original post was meant to be how stupid I am because I had a pack of cigarettes with three cigs left in them and then and couldn't find them and then I heard the washing machine and went "HMMMMMMMMM" Sure enough plastic, cardboard, and tobacco all through my laundry. Instead as I cleaned wet tobacco out of my clothes and started packing for my upcoming trip to San Diego my thoughts turned to Mom and one of my many trips back to Texas while she was still in this physical world. My trips to Texas fall into three categories. Quick trip to Brenham to see family. Quick trip to Ft. Worth to pretend I'm still 20 and a Junior at TCU. And the special bonus "Tour of Texas Trip" where i travel from Houston to Brenham to Ft. Worth and back again and come back to Baltimore. On one of my "Tour" trips I came back to Brenham the day before I went back to the Houston Airport and spent some time with Mom and Dad. Being a ...

It's still odd, even going through it after Ma died, how the smallest things can be a trigger or you start crying and then laughing and can't figure out what started it at all. At the oddest times it just hits. I'll never physically hug my sister again. I'll never talk to her on the phone again. Then a moment from years ago that just makes me laugh. (If I haven't told you about the date when I was a senior in high school[legal drinking age for me and my date] and Michele and her friend made us dinner and gave us non alcoholic wine and I acted all drunk remind me not too!) And on the flip side years to come where she won't be there in the flesh at whatever holidays we gather for. Grief and grieving is a process. I know that and all of you have helped me through this before. Thank you for that. But the force when it just hits still amazes me. I love and miss you Michele. And I'm pretty sure we'll start talking like me and Mom do. I can still hear you sa...

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Maybe I'll happy. Or maybe not. Maybe I'll shoot 89 tomorrow or maybe not. Maybe I'll live to be 103 like Grandma. Or maybe not. Maybe I will die at 49 like Michele. Or maybe not Maybe I will compromise one day. Or maybe not. Maybe I'll not miss my misspent youth. Or maybe not. Maybe I'll let NonCat in the house again fleas and all. Or maybe not. Maybe I will discover time travel. Or maybe not. Maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to reconcile the 24 year old and the 47 year old and realize one is just an extension of the other. And vice versa. Or maybe not. Maybe you'll stay tuned to see how it all turns out!